Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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