RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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