The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
