I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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