Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
