the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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