he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
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i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
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I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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