Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You have to summon your inner elephant
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
