You don't have asthma, your pregnant
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
