Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
