cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize