Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
