wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
