I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
