I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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