you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
this is an emotional support booty call
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
