Who did Billy Mays play for?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
