Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
