She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize