just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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