I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
