The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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