turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
