If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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