well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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