God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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