This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Floor bacon is actually really good
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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