you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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