just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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