In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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