Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
