i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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