My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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