Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
