If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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