Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
