I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
