I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
