The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
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The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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