she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
