Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
