Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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