Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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