i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
