I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
