My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
