i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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