can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
