I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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