my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the barista slut.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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