If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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