my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
