I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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