I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
