the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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