some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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