If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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