I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
