cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
